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Flouncing About in Uncommon Paradoxes

Here’s what I learned today:
You can have the gentlest dentist in the world and the best sedatives and still feel like a toilet bowl is being flushed on your head when the action begins.

You can forgive your dentist for 8 shots of novocaine because you know there’s an evil part of your brain willing the whole experience be done, gone and out of your life. And this can have an effect on the ever so ambitious numbing agent. It’s sensitive after all and can get performance anxiety.

You can forgive your dentist for everything really–because he’s fixing things, he’s patient, and he’s the dearest sweetest man…but there’s just this one thing…this one thing that’s a challenge to forgive, his teeth look better than yours and he’s almost 70. And yes, they are his real teeth!

I also learned that jaccuzi’s will eat hair when hair is long and left unattended. The paradox of relaxing–finally, after a long day in the dentist and then suddenly in a horror flick, the suction in the jaccuzi jet has my hair and is pulling me in. Ouch!

Freckles multiply in Ca.
Canned Indian food is awesome.
White chocolate whipped, cold coffee drinks are great after intense dental work.
Non fiction doesn’t exist. This is what I believe. Memory has a forceful imagination.
NEANDERTHALS HAD RED HAIR. This was just recently discovered. But what kills me is that while we both share that gene–the red hair–the women required over 4k calories–while I’m considered a porker if I eat over 2k. Why did they get all the fun? Okay, well, my skin tone may be just slightly better.
One more thing, Dakota thinks my having so many teeth, compared to his 2 makes me a glutenous drama queen.He’s never been one for easy flattery.


  • Theresa on Nov 04, 2008 Reply

    I’d go with you on the there is no such thing as non-fiction. I heard it put as the ‘first time you tell the story it’s the truth, the second time, it’s fiction’
    At any rate, it’s way more fun to take the story and embellish!

  • Ben on Oct 10, 2008 Reply

    Years ago, when I was living on Neil Young’s Broken Arrow ranch, he turned me onto a San Francisco dentist, Dr. Rodney Paine. To relax me, and I assume his other patients, he would play his bagpipes before administering his special cocktail of narcotics into my receptive body. Later in our relationship, he would come out to the ranch, and walk the hills at sunset playing his bagpipes. Soon after his office was closed down, and he disappeared.

  • Niya Christine on Oct 08, 2008 Reply

    Thanks for reminding me of the little things…as my washer machine washes my whites at this very moment. I’m glad Dakota can’t read though. I’ve kept him sheltered at least conceptually from what happens to other bunnies when they don’t live like king’s like him.
    David…it’s true, it’s true…dental work with the right sedatives, icy cold coffee drinks and a jacuzzi is not a bad way to go at all. And you can play hookie from work while wildly relaxing. Next time I might try to add a pedicure while in the jacuzzi.
    Thank you for your comments!

  • Liz on Oct 08, 2008 Reply

    and you don’t have to pound things on rocks, OR, wash your laundry in the river (re: neanderthals), oh or live in a cold and drafty cave with no personal space, and you know, no bunnies, cuz, uhm I’m just sayin’…

  • d.L on Oct 08, 2008 Reply

    Ah, the pleasures of creative thought and suction of instruments. I think Dakota is right, in a way and perhaps jacuzzi dental work might be the wave of the future. Anyways, nice and sweet this time and to the point! Looking forward to many more readings of your creative mind through the rest of the year.

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